Lone Wolf

I knew it exactly at that moment,

that history was repeating,

And I didnt want to change it forcefully.

For my will will be weak enough to surpass all others in the group ofcourse.

I knew it exactly then,

when their laughters turned into an insult,

suddenly my guards were up.

I knew I had to stop talking any further.

I felt the same emptiness,

which I felt a few years back in college.

Towards the end of it,

things get ugly for me always.

I dont know why.

When college was about to end,

I was done with them who surrounded me.

Now this insult marks an end,

I dont feel anything,

anymore for this group that I have now.

Its over.

Love is not the only relationship,

that can make you feel empty when ended,

friendships too.

I still wonder why its me,

that everyone leaves.

No, I dont really understand.

When an argument occurs why is it always me?

why do people team against me?

In the end,

they all form a group,

And I become the extra.

Maybe I dont belong here,

I dont belong in any groups,

I am the lone wolf.

I think silence works for me.

It brings in sorrows, peace and relief oddly.

Its over,

And I am glad.

I am glad that even though its awkward.

I finally feel free.

Free from bondage,

Free from commitment,

Free from complaints,

Free from expectations,

Its all emptiness now.

And its good to be on your own.

Its good to know that you are not everybodys favorite.

There is a weightage for it anyway.

I am not anybody's ultimate choice,

In love,

or in friendship,

even with relatives,

And society,

ofcourse then there is academics.

But why bother to count them anyways.

I think its good to be off the hook.

I think I have started getting a hang of it.

And I dont question now,

that why am I not your choice?

why am I not your ultimate goal?

Its alright,

I am my choice.

I am my person.

I am my kith and kin.

I exist alone.

And all those come along,

well they can enjoy the circus,

And leave.