Breathing through Bricks

Every year, I feel like I outdo myself compared to the previous year since the time I was diagnosed with thyroid. Earlier, the immunity issues were worse, and I would say you are doing better every year. Bangalore's altitude and the extreme weather conditions... A few months after I started working, I was diagnosed with this awful disease, thyroid, which wiped off my hopes for that one year. Then slowly, the next year, I started nurturing hope when my doctor told me things were getting better. But every year, every single year... I have to try my best not to crack when my immunity is fighting a shadow battle.

So let me tell you how it feels to have breathing trouble and wheezing: It feels like air is hardly passing through my chest, as if there is a blockage there. I can neither sit, stand, nor even lie down. There is this scary feeling that something bad is going to happen to me. The sound of wheezing, the strain, the phlegm that doesn't want to come out, like a stubborn child. Coupled with people thinking that she might be faking it, that it might not be that severe or even real, she is just delusional or scared, or she is thinking only negatively.

I was in Bangalore from 2013. I had seen cold, extreme cold weather. I had played in the rain, went to school in the early morning fog... but back then, nothing had happened. There were no immunity-related issues. It's just this bloody thyroid-induced immunity issue which is now killing my spirit to live. It was not always the same; there was a period when everything was fine. And trust me, nobody would want to fake an illness like this and sit at home... nobody! Because not being able to breathe properly is not a joke. 🙂

Now it's just those fading happy memories of a time before 2021, before thyroid, before hopes getting crushed. But I still do hope things will turn out well slowly. Hope is what makes life easier.