In any relationship, each person brings a unique blend of strengths and vulnerabilities. When one partner is the calm, steady presence, and the other is the more anxious, panicky one, it can create a delicate balance that requires understanding, patience, and care.
Oftentimes, we cannot fix each other's worries or fears, but we can be there for one another, offering a safe space where both feel seen and valued. Patience is the key. Your panicky partner doesn't want a load of judgments; they crave understanding, reassurance, and words of affirmation. Just be there. Sometimes, that's all that is needed to calm the storm.
But why does this anxiety exist? For many, these panicky symptoms stem from deep-rooted fears often tied to childhood traumas or experiences of abandonment. The anxiety isn’t just about the present; it’s an echo of past pain, where the fear of being left or not being enough lingers like a shadow. This fear manifests in relationships, creating an inner turmoil that can seem irrational, yet it’s all too real for the one experiencing it.
These feelings are often amplified by past experiences of betrayal. For example, I’ve been in relationships where I was treated as an option, where I was cheated on, left behind for someone younger, or discovered that the person I trusted was two-timing. These experiences left scars that feed into the anxiety of being abandoned, of never being enough, no matter how much love or effort I gave.
But even before these relationships, the seeds of anxiety were sown in my childhood. I had a rocky start, being uprooted frequently and attending four different schools from KG to 12th grade. Each move meant leaving behind friends, familiar places, and a sense of stability. I had to deal with bullying, the pain of missing my grandparents, and the loneliness that came with constant change. Food and binge-watching became my solace, leading to weight issues and PCOS, further complicating my self-esteem and sense of worth.
This history feeds into a constant cycle of negative thoughts, where I often find myself trapped in a loop of worst-case scenarios. The “what ifs” plague my mind—what if when I do this, everything goes downhill? The worry is there, every day, like a shadow that refuses to leave. I try to be stronger, to keep moving forward, but some days are harder than the rest, and some days feel like a test of my resilience.
But it’s also important to recognize that the other person in the relationship is not a medical or mental health expert. They might not always resonate with our issues or fully understand our behavior and actions. It’s natural for them to find it peculiar at times—after all, they might be seeing and experiencing it for the first time, learning alongside us. What truly matters is their willingness to stay with us and work through these challenges together. This willingness shows their worth and character and ultimately decides if they are worth our efforts too.
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