Childhood : Two ways of looking back

Childhood might be the most cherished and a special time for most of us. Some of us have very supportive families, some have overachivers in their families causing high expectations and a busy life, some might have had single parents, some struggling, but most of us come from different walks of life. Our backgrounds, culture and individuality that shaped us are different. Even say the 30 students taught by the same teacher are different for the same reason, different genetics, background, religion and other socio-cultural factors. But there would be something sweet in our childhood that is the most cherished, which we will be longing now in adulthood. There are also people who have grown in great adversities with abuses, violence, poverty or financial uncertanity, homelessness etc We cannot compare one person’s life / upbringing with others, there might be similarities but more differences. Like human beings are unique and so are their life experiences including childhood. If you start speaking with your sibling even, you would know that the childhood you had and your sibling had would have different colours of emotions and rememberance. Each individuals experienves are unique. What motivated me to write this piece was an interview of Masaba Gupta the famous designer/ actor and former tennis player in tweak India. She described how strange her childhood was and what was her takeaway from that. She looked at it with gratitude and grace even when she didnt have a conventional life or parenting. I had written about my childhood also earlier, but this interview made me think in such a way that there is two ways of looking back into our childhood or past. We were groomed into what we are now as adults not only by people but also by our situations. I have a bunch of pleasant memories of my childhood and also some bitter ones. There was a confident phase of my childhood when I spoke my mind and participated in everything in school. I was a very active child and also an active student. Then, later entered a dullness after 8 years, as I was stepping into 9 years of age when I was planted from Kerala to Abu Dhabi, where in school I was bullied and I had to learn english language. The language came quickly to me, but the abuses lasted for a longer time which affected my confidence. I delved into food and Tv to evade the shame. I simply didnt want to be put on the spot when bullying. How some of the people of my own age and some teachers, a little involvement of a parent destroyed my confidence. But when I look back now, I can look at it in two ways, I dont have to merge them. There were happy phases and there were bitter phases both influenced my growth. I learned what I have to become and what I shouldnt. Even before figuring out what I had to become, I knew so well what I shouldnt become. I nurtured the Empathy in me. I nurtured and water my love for literature and learning. I nurtured the art of forgiveness but not forgetting. I understood that we dont have to hurt anybody like they did to me, to feel better. I dont have to pull anyone down to feel superior. Because we were all equal. We each had equal amount of rights even though we are living in a biased world. Bias was created by people, inequality too. We need to realise our rights and believe in it. We dont have to suppress ourselves. We dont have to remain inferiors. We are all equals and sometimes we have to exercise our rights by accepting it, by believing in it. I was a dreamer, as a child and as now. I felt beautiful, messy and creative and I still do. Even though my bitter phase had bullying, abuses and shame ( shame for nothing I did but how people made me feel) , I dont want to victimise myself. Beacuae when we victimise ourselves we are scoring into a disabled quota to get something. We are being handicapped for nothing. We are believing what others were doing onto us. We are not disabled, we have to be grateful. I am grateful because even after all these bitterness I didnt turn out to be a bitter person or a psycho or someone who lacked empathy. I nurtured empathy. It was a slight change in my thinking that made this huge difference — I will never do or be what others did and been to me. And that was the power or force that drove me, to better at being myself and to others. I could feel the emotions and comfort others. We cannot conclude by speaking a little about my pleasant phase, something that will always stay the most cherished in my heart. I had a very encouraging and loving mother, my dad even though a rough and tough man was ready to give me the best education even without asking. I had the best grandparents in the world (my mums parents) who taught me many values and told me stories. Those stories made my dreams colourful. I had a simple upbringing, which humbled me as a person. I am also greatful for the time I was born, I was born into the 90s with no smart phones or distractions, thank god. I should also thank me because I absorbed the good more than the bad. I thank the plants and the people to taught me to water it. I thank the way I was asked not to pluck a flower but admire its beauty. I thank the challenges for making me strong and ready to face it than hide. I thank my maths tution sir for making me fall in love with limits differenciation and continuity which helped me greatly in college. I thank my parents for sending me to a college in Kerala away from home ( bangalore) , so that I could learn how to be on my own. I thank my guts and wit to just survive but to grow beautifully and bloom. Yeah, there are two ways of looking at it, the pleasant way and the bitter way. Let the pleasant memories keep you happy and nurture you and let the bitter ones make you stronger and help you understand what you shouldn’t be or who you shouldnt be ! Dont run out on Selflove even in the bitter situations of life.