Mature relationships : In Quality we build

We might develop alot of crushes over our lifetime, some crushes later develop into relationships, a few of them can create a strong impact in our life or personality. To understand a mature relationship, we need to have some life experiences, we need to closely get to know/ come across some wrong relationships which are not at all mature and is a bunch of red flags . Personal stories of wrong relationships, can be traumatizing but a good learning in our live. Whatever happens in our life, it teaches us something, even the most unpleasant situations/ people.I have seen immature relationships of few collegues or friends but my first and only situationship was a toxic one too which I had to experience for three and a half years until I finally felt sensible and mature enough to leave. He was posessive, polygamic, commanding and off putting. For a simple girl/ boy going on from his/ her teens to youth, who had no prior relationships smelling danger or working on instincts would be slow because she/ he might not have had many experiences/ no experiences at all to deal with these kind of situations. He/ She might not even know what a red flag is. Experiences teach us, and so experiences however bitter it maybe is a learning. I grew from that bitter experience to casual dating, again red flag. I met next red flag who was over confident, over smart, loud, bold and irritating. But now I was sharp, so I could kick back faster from another wrong relationship much easier than the initial one. Then came my green flag! You will understand the difference, when you get to experience both- good and bad. My green flag and me, we have completed 4 beautiful years together in a long distant relationship this september and we are on our precious journey to the fifth year. So here are some observations that I have inferred from my four year long relationship that qualified to me as a mature relationship : First of all in a matured relationship we build on quality. The relation starts with the quality that is experienced from interacting / being together with a person. The way a person open ups and the way they see your past is very important, I would say the way they use their words to describe you and your life journey is very important in analysing their ulterior motives. Everybody can speak sweetly but not all those who speak sweetly touch our hearts. When someone appreciates you for your talent/ creativity, listens to you openly, opens up themselves, when they show they want something out of this bond they are creating, when they are not hiding you from their loved ones, when they are ready to start something new with you, then its a very refreshing journey. But sustainable relationships are our focus when we say matured relationships, where we know that the end goal is a meaningful togetherness and for that we need people who are patient, willing, understanding and loyal. As the famous saying goes “Rome was not built in a day” , so does every relationships too! When we open up we dont just say only about the filtered details but we should be able to speak unfiltered, we need to show them the real side — your character, quality, both good and bad traits. Withholding information is your way of saying I am not ready yet for something new. You also need to be a good listener, you need to drive conversations / give the other person space to express themselves, to open themselves to you. You need to understand and give your genuine feedbacks. You need to always focus on the present and the future you are building with them. You need to learn their likes and dislikes. You need to encourage them to take up anything that they are interested in, especially their career, or creative aspects. You need to always see their family as yours because you should work as a unit. Even when some people in his family annoys you or irritates you, the least you can do is do not engage in much conversation which can lead aggression and fights with them and politely make them understand what is offending you. Whatever problems arise you two are what you need to hold on to, so if the person you are with is worth it cancel out all the random noises or unwanted relatives. As a couple there should not be any jealously or ego or disloyalty or possesiveness, if there is a chance of you going off board you need to immediately focus before you wrong against them. It is not hard to remain loyal trust me, when you get enough attention and respect from someone you will not crave for it from elsewhere. Again respect is a central driving force to be with someone, its how well you are treated and valued. A Matured couple would never have to deal with possesiveness that is for sure, because you trust your partner. And Trust is the rock on which you are building your relationship. Do not interfere in each others career. Always be clear about finances, dont think of burdening one person with all the challenges. As a couple you should be able to face all challenges together. You need to be appreciative, constant appreciation is the key to a content relationship. A mutual understanding in our physical connection can also make your journey pleasant. You are a team, remember that. A mature relationship always focuses on growing together and growth matters!