I was a huge planner, I used to pre-plan every little things in my life . There used to be a plan A, B & C, because I was no fool to stick to one plan. I thought everything is gonna be under control cause I am so cautious and pre-planned. I was also determined...very determined! It felt like everything could go as calculated, cause I believed in my genuisness 😅 I thought if I could have so much things ordered according to my preferences and research nothing is gonna go wrong. Then it started the spiraling-down, I slowly realised from 3rd year of college both in personal and professional life that sometimes plan A, B & C are so invalid. Life takes its own course, its unplanned....
Its like floating around during the times of high tide and storm sometimes, its like you cant go back and you fear going forward ..there is this lightening and dark clouds. Light keeps diming, diminishing spirit, strong wind...you hear alot of voices, even the voices of death and then you feel this surge..this strong surge to survive somehow. You suddenly feel so fearless...you scream at your unknown future ahead "OK BITCH, TRY ME!" , its like a sudden adrenaline hit, its like a rewiring taking place inside you. Then you keep saying to yourself , "Whatever happens I am gonna be fine" (because everything will end one day, you will be long gone, you will become a story maybe ....)
Even though the end is unknown, the outcomes are defined, either you will succeed become a story, an inspiration, or you will have a great quiet but content life or you will be just sucked into a black hole ..poof nobody will ever know you existed...so what, its your journey. Its still beautiful ❤️
It doesnt matter because your life is limited, years are countable, every breath you take is defined! You are not going to go on forever. Today you are here and tomorrow you wont even be here, you wont even matter...master or slave , male or female, rich or poor, confused or determined...nothing matters..you will just become one with the earth...its like you were here but also you were not !!!!!!
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