Often when others spread stories about your child, a switch flips inside you which makes you turn into a volcano! You erupt infront of your child and then what happens? Your child gets scared to open up to you again, simple! I am not saying most parents are like that, but some parents are! And who are getting affected by it? Both parent and their children are getting affected by this premature flipouts, it makes your bond from weakening to breaking. I am writing this because I came across an issue a few weeks back, regarding a teenager I know, lets call her Amy for a moment.
Amy, is a naive girl, with lots of dreams and hopes. She is good at studies and works really hard. Also as a teenager she has got lots of fantasies inside about having a boyfriend and at the age of 15 its quiet natural, can you say otherwise? But she have never been in any relationship, only she wishes and like every teenager confesses all her feelings and dreams to her close friends. She… thanks to social media, have interacted with some boys of her own age through texting and everyone have remained as her friends only. Sometimes she have encountered situationships but nothing long term. This never detoured her dedication for learning , future and career. She is one of the ambitious kid I know. Her long term dream was to become a software engineer.
When she received her 10th standard result however, she received first class marks somewhere above 70’s. Now this was a child from whom everyone including her parents, teachers and friends expected marks above 90. Even she was quiet confident that her marks would fall into the 90’s category. The bare minimum she ever thought for herself was distinction which was in 80’s. But this turn of events created a huge mess at her home but mainly it shattered her dreams. I know, after all she is a child who needs directions but when her own parents flips-out around her what can she do, other than question herself and her capabilities?
Now here is the real turn of events, as soon as the results are known her dad flipsout and blurts out the truth that her family friend has spilled some information about her which might have been the reason why she lost marks, boys! Her best friend of years, have spun a story about her and in that story apparently Amy has a boyfriend and she has gone out with him a couple of times. She even mentioned her other friends are also a reason how she could keep this a secret and they have also aided her in seeing this boy in secret which is bullshit. There is no credibility to this story.
Even though her dad flippedout her mother was a comforting presence. They eventually came to know the truth. But just by hearing a lame teenagers story her parents had taken off all her privileges of having a phone or going out freely. She had to stay indoors for maybe a month! Plus she wanted to take science in 11th and 12th, obviously she wanted to be a computer engineer. But her father thought it might be difficult to get her into a college for science because she got 70’s and got her an admission for commerce, a subject which she never was interested in the first place. That was not her dream ! Now she didnt do anything wrong to go through all this and even if she had done all that was said against her then also this method of parenting is not at all acceptable. The main thing most parents forget is that “Its your child. You have birthed them, you have seen their every possible growth! You have laughed with them, played with them, cried with them etc and finally you are suspecting your own child and treating her wrongly without even asking her side of the story! Imagine that ..!!”
Trust your child, listen to them first. Hear their side of the story. Be their friend. Even if they have messed up a bit , so what? Teach them not by hurting but by being a friend, the best possible friend they can have at this particular age- a wise friend!
Others might enjoy adding fuel to the fire, others might enjoy your house burning to ashes but remember when its their own house they would feel the pain. People find it hard to refrain from gossips, and everybody has their right and wrong, they are entitled to their own opinion but how to react to it is in your hands especially when its about you and your family. Don’t play into the hands of the devil !! TRUST YOUR CHILDREN, be a mentor, a friend, a guiding light. Dont crush their dreams and hardwork!
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