What went wrong with my recent trip to Coorg 🔻Nobody should go through this !

Background

In April, most of my colleagues received appraisals despite not having completed three years in the office, while I, having completed three years, won't get mine until October. This has been stressful for me because I feel my salary is too low. Adding to the stress, I had conflicts with two colleagues, M and R, whom I considered friends. M and I have known each other longer than R, but R and M are closer as they live in nearby hostels and often hang out together.

Conflict with M and R

The conflict with M started when he made an unintentional joke about my weight. Although he didn't mean to hurt me, it struck a deep insecurity of mine, leaving me feeling vulnerable and upset. R, although not initially involved, inserted herself into the situation, claiming to mediate but only taking M’s side and making things worse. Her interference made me feel even more isolated and misunderstood.

R’s behavior has been problematic before. She frequently makes disrespectful comments about South Indians and our appearance, which I've found very offensive. Comments like "Nobody is good looking in this office," "He is so short," "He is dark," and "His hairline is up" were not just hurtful but blatantly racist. Her bluntness, often disguised as honesty, degraded others and was hard to tolerate. She's also publicly humiliated colleagues about their looks, making jokes about hair fall and other personal issues, which made everyone uncomfortable.

Trip to Coorg

Despite these unresolved issues, we decided to go on a trip. M apologized for his joke and persuaded me to join, saying the trip would be canceled if I didn’t come. This made me feel special and valued, so I agreed. The group consisted of five colleagues (including R, M, D, A2, and myself), M's two friends (C and D2), and five of R's friends (N1, N2, V, N3, and her best friend A).

Journey and Arrival

The trip started off poorly. The bus was crowded, and everyone paired off except me. I felt lonely and out of place. M tried to help by sitting with me, but he was more interested in D2, making me feel like a charity case. R and her friend A stuck together, ignoring me completely.

People started dancing and enjoying themselves, but I didn’t feel like participating. N1, R’s roommate, noticed and asked why I wasn’t dancing. Her tone felt condescending, as if trying to point out that I was an introvert. This made me even more self-conscious. R’s friend A asked the same question but wasn't dancing herself, which confused and annoyed me. Was she trying to be friendly or just highlighting my isolation?

When we stopped for a break, R and A were inseparable, leaving me to fend for myself. By the time we reached Madikeri, I felt like an outsider.

The Breaking Point

During lunch at the homestay, R’s friend N3 forgot to order my meal. While everyone else had their food, I was left waiting. N3, sitting right in front of me, said to D, "Just give her a little food from ours, that’s fine." His tone was dismissive and disrespectful, as if my meal was an afterthought. This was deeply humiliating. Tears welled up in my eyes, and I stormed out. Even then, R and A were oblivious, lost in their own world. This indifference from someone I considered a friend was deeply hurtful.

Later, R and A slammed the door of their room and locked it, excluding me further. I lay down alone, feeling completely isolated. When we went sightseeing, I had no one to talk to. I walked with the boys, feeling like an unwanted tag-along. M was so smitten by D2 that he barely noticed my distress. This trip, which I thought would be a chance to relax and unwind, turned into a nightmare of loneliness and exclusion.

That night, while everyone was socializing, R and her friends ignored me. They were so chummy with D2, a girl they had just met, which made me feel even more alienated. It was clear that R valued superficial connections over genuine friendships. D2’s shallow attitude matched R’s, reinforcing the group’s exclusionary behavior. They were interested in having fun and showed no consideration for my feelings.

Conclusion

This trip revealed how little R cared for me as a friend. Her actions reminded me of a mean person from college, Anu. I felt isolated, humiliated, and ignored throughout the trip. It’s with great pain that I recount these experiences, as reliving them brings back the stress and hurt. I’ve decided never to travel with this group again, especially R. She is not the friend I thought she was. This experience has made me reevaluate who my true friends are and the kind of people I want to surround myself with.